Silence is often seen as something awkward, a gap to fill or a sign that something’s wrong. But in high-quality conversations, the power of silence is one of the most effective tools we have.
It creates space to think, to feel, and to respond with intention instead of reaction.
Sometimes, the power of silence is greater than even the most carefully worded question.
A shift in how we experience silence
We often misread silence. It might look like someone is stuck, uncomfortable or unsure. So we rush in to rescue, to help to keep things moving.
But in doing so, we might actually be interrupting a moment of reflection. We might be silencing something that hasn’t had the chance to form yet.
In coaching, silence is thinking time. It’s valuable. It might stretch a little. And that’s okay.
Letting someone be in that silence often leads to deeper, more thoughtful insight and a greater sense of ownership.
Innate’s do’s and don’ts of silence
DO:
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Let the silence sit after a question.
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Watch for cues that the person is still thinking.
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Stay relaxed and present – your comfort helps theirs.
DON’T:
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Rush to fill the gap.
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Assume silence means nothing is coming.
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Mistake a pause for the end of the conversation.
INNATE TIP:
Some people naturally process more slowly. When we normalise silence, we take pressure off and support better thinking.
Exercises: Mastering the pause
1. The 10-second rule
Ask a question, and count to 10 silently. Let the other person decide what happens next.
2. Expand the silence
After someone answers, pause for 5 more seconds.
If they don’t say more, you might gently ask:
“What more can you say about that?”
INNATE TIP:
You can also say:
“I’m going to take a moment to think before we continue.”
This signals permission for silence, and helps others reflect without pressure or awkwardness.
Silence doesn’t mean nothing is happening.
It often means something important is.
If you’d like to explore how we use silence in coaching, facilitation or leadership development, we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch.
Written by Rachel Brown, Coach and Conversation Queen at Innate Change
